The Oral Oh!

How can a woman get her husband eager to please her and not only himself?

This is the question that I was asked by a reader a few days ago.

Here is what Shar asked:

"My story is my hubby has his days where he is super intense and up for something new, <-- but easily frustrated when doesn't work out.. and then has his days where he's just sticking it in there for his benefits.. But all in all i have to say that 80% of the time hes just sticking it in there. How do i get him to open up more and be more playful and into doing new things and using toys?

He loves getting head but not willing to return the favor and when he does hes sloppy or just not into it, i think he is embarrassed more than anything or has no confidence Not sure which.. How do i get the poor bastard to get COMFORTABLE WITH AMAZING EXCITING SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! talking to him about sex and positions and toys is like talking to a brick wall.

Thanks sweetness, hope you have lots of tips for me/him!!!!!

Shar"

The problems as I see them are this:
1. Most of the time it seems the sex is mostly for his enjoyment and not as much yours.
2. Your husband has his days where he's adventurous but he gets frustrated when things don't work out the way he hoped they would.
3. You're having a difficult time talking to him about how to enhance the excitement in the bedroom.
4. You feel he lacks confidence or is embarrassed about his lack of oral talents.

Whether your partner is sexually selfish on purpose or merely because he lacks the knowledge to please you, either way makes for an unhappy sexual relationship.

If he is selfish about sex because he feels that your pleasure comes second to his, that is an issue for a licensed therapist. Some reprogramming on how to have a relationship with a woman might be needed. But if this works for you and your relationship, who am I to say it shouldn't?

But if he can't please you in the first place, why try? This is definitely not an uncommon feeling for men that have trouble satisfying their partner.

The best advice I can offer on how to teach your partner to please you is to educate not only him, but you as well. You can do this on many levels.

First you need to talk with him about taking each others sexual pleasure to the next level. Don't single him out as the person that needs improvement because you never know, you might need help too! Even if he is the problem, a guy isn't going to be happy to hear he is a horrible lover and you want to fix him. That isn't going to help your cause.

Second you'll need to find out what turns him on. Figure out what gets him really turned on for you. Is there a special outfit you have or a look in your eye that triggers his soldier to stand at attention? Maybe some cocktails to set the mood? Find out what it is and utilize it to get him eager to please you.

Third I recommend you both read a book which I've recommended to countless people to help improve their sexual experience. This book is called "Guide to Getting It On," written by a brilliant man, Paul Joannides. This book covers everything for both of you to improve your understanding of sex. I've always found that being with an experienced lover makes the sex SO much better. If you know what your body is capable of and you know what your partners body is capable of, you can explore every avenue available to you. You'll never get bored because you'll always have a new thing you'd like to try or at the very least, find what works best for you.

Here are a few of the table of contents (or as Paul calls it, "Bed of Contents") that may interest you:

"What's Inside a Girl?" This chapter talks about everything from the myths of the vagina, the different type of vagina (shape, position, smells, tastes, etc), the zones to pay attention to (which is important if you're going to want to use them), and various ways to stimulate the zones.

"The Zen of Finger Fucking" This is a great chapter on how to use your hands to stimulate a woman. So guys! If sex is too short, use these skills to make it last longer. Potentially you can take her to an orgasm through each form of sex (using fingers, oral, penis, etc.). Read read read and read this chapter again as well as all the other chapters involving techniques.

"Balls, Balls, Balls" You guessed it! A chapter about how to stimulate the balls. Ladies, you've never given a guy a great blow job until you've learned to use the balls in addition to sucking and licking.

"Doing Yourself in Your Partner's Presence" You guessed it again. This one is about the eroticism of pleasuring yourself in front of your partner. I wasn't into this before reading the chapter but once you've stared at each other pleasing yourself, your sexual desires go to another level. Please try this one at home folks!

And the list goes on to everything from giving oral, receiving oral, nipple stimulation, sexual massage, fantasies, toys, and everything in between.

So in order to get eager to explore new avenues, set the mood for the both of you, and practice what you learn in the book, "Guide to Getting It On."

Key things to remember:

Make sure to really get him interested in wanting to please you. Remember those days in the beginning where he was really eager to impress you? Get him back there. Turn him on to the point where he wants to show his love through taking you to mind blowing orgasms.

When talking about sex, don't make it out to sound as if he has the problem. He might not be so receptive to new ideas if his pride and feeling are hurt.

Educate yourselves to get a better understanding of your sexual abilities. Continually bettering yourself whether mentally, physically, or sexually leads to a richer life.

I hope this helps, Shar. Good luck and let us know how it works out.

-Mr. Oh!


Do you have a tip or suggestion for Shar? Leave a comment!